Start Your Year with a Smile: Our Favorite Coffee Break Jokes from 2022

Our Coffee Break newsletter has been a unique addition to our direct mail marketing packages for over two decades! And really, should that be surprising? After all, humor sells! Why not deliver that humor to your customers monthly with your company name on it?

SHARE THE LAUGHS

Here is a list of our favorite laughs from the 2022 Coffee Break newsletters:

🤣 Q: What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the closet?

A: Supplies!

🤣 “You’re beautiful, and I love you!” I yelled as I stood alone on the cliff.

My echo replied, “I just want to be friends!”

Favorite pick-up lines:

I hope you know CPR because you just took my breath away!
I’m no photographer, but I can picture us together.
Are you from Starbucks because I like you a latte.
If you were words on a page, you’d be fine print.

🤣 My boss calls me “the computer.”

Nothing to do with intelligence; I go to sleep if left unattended for 15 minutes.

🤣 When I was young, I was poor …

But after many years of hard work, I am no longer young.

🤣 Went to see a psychic who was in a bad mood … then I saw a clairvoyant who was really grumpy.

I’m just trying to find a happy medium.

Good to Know Facts:

A king-size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2,000 sq. foot house four inches deep.
A three-year-old’s voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant.
The glass in windows (even double pane) doesn’t stop a baseball hit by a ceiling fan.
When you hear the toilet flush and the words “Uh- oh,” it’s already too late.
Certain Legos will pass through the digestive tract of a four-year-old.

🤣 Dad, are we pyromaniacs? Yes, we arson.

🤣 I never actually lose weight anymore. Apparently, I just loan it out and it comes back with interest.

And lately, I have been getting great rates of return!

🤣 There are only two instances when people hate the alarm clock:

When it rings.
When it doesn’t ring.

🤣 A man giving a long-winded speech finally says, “I’m sorry I talked so long. I left my watch at home.”

A voice from the crowd pipes up and says, “There’s a calendar behind you.”

🤣 I was in a taxi today and the driver said, “I love my job. I’m my own boss. Nobody tells me what to do.

” Then I said: “Turn left here.”

🤣 When I was younger, my dad found out I had an imaginary girlfriend.

He said, “You know, you could do better.”
“Thanks, Dad, that means a lot,” I replied.
He said, “I was talking to your girlfriend.”

Points to Ponder:

Why is it called a “drive thru” if you have to stop?
Why do we say an alarm clock is going “off” when it actually turns on?
Why do you press harder on a remote control when you know the battery is dead?
Why do banks leave the door wide open but the pens chained to the counter?
Where in the nursery rhyme does it say Humpty Dumpty is an egg?
What was the best thing before sliced bread?
Why doesn’t Tarzan have a beard?
Why do we say “heads up” when we actually duck?
Why is it called a building when it’s already built?
Why are boxing rings square?
Why do you recite at a play but you play at a recital?
Why is quite a few the same as quite a lot?

🤣 Do you enjoy yelling “What?!” from the other room?

Then marriage might just be for you.

🤣 My wife beamed at me with pride and said, “Wow! I never thought our son would go so far! “

“This catapult is amazing! Go get our daughter,” I said.

🤣 Hmmm … I just found a strange piece of plastic on the floor that looks like it broke off of something, but I have no idea what. Better save it in the junk drawer until I die.

🤣 Superman blames technology for his slow response to high crime. “Look around folks, there isn’t a phone booth in sight.”

🤣 We’ll We’ll We’ll… If it isn’t autocorrect.

🤣 I’m not saying that the customer service in my bank is bad, but when I went in the other day and asked the clerk to check my balance, she leaned over and pushed me!

🤣 What’s the difference between a vegan and a computer programmer? One is disgusted by a rack of lamb and the other is disgusted by a lack of RAM.

🤣 My twin brother called me from prison.

He said: “You know how we often finish each other’s sentences…?”

🤣 Not a single person asked if I could run fast in my new shoes today – Being an adult is stupid.

🤣 Sharon had the bad habit of biting her fingernails. One day she told her husband about her latest solution: press-on nails. “Great Idea, Honey,” he smiled. “You can eat them straight out of the box.”

🤣 How many mystery writers does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Two—one to screw it most of the way and the other to give it a surprise twist at the end.

🤣 “Your call is very important to us … Please enjoy this 40-minute flute solo.”

🤣 Dad is down at the auto dealership, looking at potential choices. “Cargo space?” he asks. The salesman, slightly confused, finally replies, “Car no do that … car go road.”

🤣 2021: Didn’t jog.
2022: Didn’t jog.
2023: Still haven’t jogged.

This is a running joke.

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