Let’s face it. The world hasn’t exactly been a happy place lately.
With COVID-19, riots, and political tension, sometimes you need a break from the heaviness to find your smile and then share it.
To help you recapture your optimism and spread a little laughter, here are some of our favorite jokes from the Coffee Break direct mail newsletter. Coffee Break is available to you each and every month to send to your print buyers and focuses on the lighter side of connection and relationship building.
☞ A woman, three months pregnant, falls into a deep coma. Six months later, she awakes and asks the doctor about her baby.
Doctor: “You had twins, a boy and a girl, and they’re both fine. Your brother named them for you.”
Woman: “Oh no, not my brother! He’s an idiot! What did he name the girl?”
Woman: “Well, that isn’t so bad. What did he call the boy?”
☞ After hearing a sermon on Psalm 52:3-4 (lies and deceit), a man wrote the IRS, “I can’t sleep knowing that I have cheated on my income tax. Enclosed is a check for $150. If I still can’t sleep, I’ll send the rest.”
☞ The only thing Flat-Earthers fear… is sphere itself.
☞ Sarah went to a fast-food chicken restaurant to get her kids something to eat.
“I’d like two kids’ meals with the leg.”
The employee responds, “Which side?”
Sarah, contemplating such an odd question, says, “I guess the right side. They won’t know the difference.”
After several moments of laughter, the employee says, “No, which side dish would you like to go with the leg? Mashed potatoes or wedges?”
☞ “Ben, you’re never going to amount to much because you’re always procrastinating so much,” the teacher said.
Annoyed, Ben replied, “Just you wait!”
☞ And God said to John, “Come forth and you shall receive eternal life!”
But John came fifth and won a toaster.
☞ “I’ve just had the most awful time,” a boy said to his friend. “First, I got angina pectoris, then arteriosclerosis. Just as I was recovering, I got psoriasis. They gave me hypodermics, and then to top that off, tonsillitis was followed by appendectomy.”
“Wow! How did you pull through?” his friend asked.
“I don’t know,” the boy replied. “Toughest spelling test I’ve ever had.”
☞ Little Emily was complaining to her mother that her stomach hurt. Her mother replied, “That’s because it’s empty. Maybe you should try putting something in it.”
The next day, a family friend was over at Emily’s family’s house for lunch. He mentioned that his head hurt, to which Emily immediately replied, “That’s because it’s empty. Maybe you should try putting something in it.”
☞ A young boy was looking through some old family photos and asked his mother, “Whois the guy on the beach with you with all the muscles and curly hair?”
“That’s your father.”
“Then who’s that man who lives with us now?”
☞ Did you hear about the drummer who gave his daughters the same names?
Anna 1, Anna 2, Anna 3, Anna 4.
☞ Pro Tip: Napping:
If you want to nap while the kids are home, just say “Wake me up in 30 minutes, so we can clean the house.” They will then do literally anything to avoid waking you.
☞ My grandpa started walking five miles a day when he was 60. Now he’s 97 years old and we have no idea where he is.
☞ In a Catholic school cafeteria, a nun places a note in front of a pile of apples, “Only take one. God is watching.” Further down the line is a pile of cookies. A little boy makes his own note, “Take all you want. God is watching the apples.”
Want to spread the joy and share jokes like these with your print buyers each month? Check out the fun, relationship-building power of Coffee Break, and download samples below.